My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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