do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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