a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
