did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
