Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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