Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
