I just threw up on my dentist
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found the puke drawer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
