It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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