i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
