So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
