You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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