So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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