All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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