I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
