I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
