Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
