She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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