So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
