I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
