New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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