one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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