Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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