he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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