Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
pop tarts are not kleenex
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
