She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
