Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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