Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
