whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
