dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
