i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
