Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
