wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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