The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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