today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
