I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
