There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
