I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
