are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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