Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
