so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
