did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
