it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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