he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
