I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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