don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
