Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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