I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
never play flip cup with pint glasses
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
