idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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