just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
