It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
