I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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