I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
