what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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