I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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