How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
