my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
