She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
