Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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