Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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