So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize