The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize