My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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