Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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